BWDFHD²

Went to Monkey Pants to meet some friends.  After reading the New Times' ten favorites I had to try the BWDFHD.  Two franks, wrapped in bacon, deep fried, covered in cheese sauce.  Straight arterial homicide.  The way the dogs snap when bitten, the crisp greasiness of the bacon, the spice of the cheese sauce.  Halfway through the first one, I wasn't sure if I would be able to ride my bike home.  By the time I was finished, I thought for sure I wouldn't even make it out the door.  These little pups were so delicious that if the service wasn't so terrible, I would've probably ordered two more, then promptly keeled over and died.

It's a good thing I didn't order more.  Mostly because if I am going to die, I don't want it to be in a dive like Monkey Pants.  Also, because I would have missed out on this guy...

After sauteing some jalapeño, anaheim and cayenne chilis, I reduced the shit out of some monterey jack cheese and cream, mixed in the peppers, wrapped some Hebrews in thick-cut bacon, fried 'em up and laid it all on a cheap bun.  I think my version was a little better.  And I didn't have to wait for a lackadaisical topless bartender to not ring in my order after 45 minutes.  

I can't really complain about the Monkey Pants experience, though.  I ate two bacon-wrapped deep-fried hot dogs.  I'll probably even go back for more.  There is something about the corner of Mill & Southern that always results in me getting seriously drunk.  I think the whole plate was only around $6.  I can't really remember, because I was drinking.  I guess you'd have to be drunk to order that kind of garbage anyway.  Or just a hot dog enthusiast.

Dawg It! 4/5

The Epic Chili Conundrum

Or: Why I can never hate a hot dog.

Last week I visited Max Sports Grille for the second time.  Now that I see it as my duty to try the hot dog everywhere I go, I ordered their foot-long chili cheese and onion dog.  When it arrived, I immediately knew it would be a fork-and-knife endeavor.  For a chili cheese dog, it had all the right flavors, but it just wasn't working for me.  Had I become spoiled by all the carefully crafted dogs I'd been eating lately?  Had chili, cheese and onions become too blue-collar for my elitist tastes?  Or was this dog just not that good?

It was almost painful.  Choking back tears and all-beef frank slathered in chili, I mourned the loss of simple pleasures.  This epic dog was everything I expected, but I just couldn't enjoy it.  At the time i chalked it up to the beany chili, but in retrospect, I have to say it must have been that since I've been on this quest, since I have seen the light, a chili cheese dog is just not what I am after anymore.  What used to be a favorite of mine is now a thing of the past.  The way the chili turned the bun into a meaty sponge just didn't excite me.  The overload of a big slice of dog with everything on it wasn't as stimulating as it used to be.  I'll give chili dogs another chance, but it is very likely that I have moved on.  The abundance of locally-made natural casing dogs in the valley has me craving only that.  Maybe I will find a solution to my existential hot-dog crisis.  Until then, I'll just have to keep eating every hot dog I come across.

Rating: 1/5

Casey Moore's Fried Cheddar Dog Special

Behold: The Casey Moore's Oyster House Fried Cheddar Double Dog Special.

My local watering hole also doubles as a great lunch spot.  They offer reasonably priced daily specials that are usually pretty delicious.  Any time they have a hot dog on that menu, it proves to be the natural choice for me.  Yesterday, a coworker and I decided to grab lunch and a beer before work.  Lo and behold, they had this behemoth on the specials list.  For a mere six dollars I got two local natural casing all beef dogs and a mountain of melted cheddar cheese on a soft french roll along with a side of my choice.  This was a beast of a different nature.  The roll was fantastic.  Soft, but not at all doughy.  The dogs were that special kind of juicy that only comes from a deep fryer.  Your standard Ball Park Frank wouldn't hold up to all that hot oil, though.  The natural casing franks allowed them to remain crisp on the outside while retaining that burst of flavor and tenderness.  The cheese was another story.  What must have been six slices of sharp cheddar overpowered the flavor of the franks and led me to add some Arizona Gunslinger Jalapeno Pepper Sauce and wedge my dill pickle spear in between the franks.  This minor adjustment made it an enjoyable lunch, if somewhat underwhelming.  I'll give Casey's the benefit of the doubt one more time in regards to my beloved hot dogs.  If the next one is just as over-cheesed and greasy as this one, I'll have to stick to a salad or something.  And that would be tragic.

Rating: 2/5